nabil

that obama chose to glorify a gay-hating, anti-choice creep of a preacher at his inauguration ceremony.  but it is a real bad sign.

the reason it's a bad sign is that i'm looking at 3 decades of democratic politicians taking lefty votes for granted, shunning us, while courting right-wingers who always vote republican.  this is part of what has fucked up this country so bad; 30 years of driving to the right, working on destroying the middle class, giving charity to the rich and screwing the rest of us.

in the immortal words of St Molly Ivins, dance with who brung ya. 

hi loves,

the transgender day of remembrance is this week, november 20th, to remember the trans folks who have been murdered this year.  this year i'm thinking of Duanna Johnson, who just died suspiciously after being severely beaten by memphis police-- the beating was captured on tape and under investigation at the time of her death.  you can read more here:  http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2008/11/duanna-johnson-found-dead.html

what are folks in the bay area doing for the day?  want to join up?  it's not a happy occasion, but it's important to honor it.

xoxo

nabil

 

Hello loves,

I have hope right now.  Cautious hope; anxious hope; jittery nervous hope that some of the heaviness that not only I, but my nation, has been living under is lifting.

I am excited about Barack Obama.  Nervous, but hopeful.  I think he is intelligent, ethical, and a canny politician.  I think the meme that all politicians are inevitably corrupt is a right-wing meme, and I hope and believe that it is not true of Obama.  I am certain that his agenda is not an exact match for mine-- but I think he is concerned about justice, fairness, and giving the people of this country a fair shot-- and that is better then we have had in a President in thirty years.

I am hopeful for my cat.  Today her pupils are less blown; she got up on the couch by herself; and I am suspecting/ projecting/ guessing/ hoping that she is having a little bit of vision.  I have hope that my remaining time with her is measured in months, not days. 

I am hopeful for my friends.  Too many of my dear folks have been suffering for too long.  Things are still going to be hard for awhile--  good god, the layoffs in the bay area are scary right now-- but I very much hope that the struggling-in-confusion-and-denial piece is over.  That while our extrernal circumstances are rocky-- both as a nation for many of us individually-- we are going to feel better facing things and working on them.

I'm seeing so many linkages between the big-picture state of my country and the little-picture state of me and my friends.  Last week I went to the local health food store and they were out of valerian tea.  Usually they have 10 cartons of the stuff.  It was one more little sign of how many of the folks around me have been suffering-- I've been hearing about so much insomnia, back pain, work stress, relationship problems-- and I think part of it has been the constant background noise of the election, of the fear that McCain would be elected and we would have more of the same.  I am so hopeful that this background noise will clear up, and that though things will still be hard they will feel less grim and impossible.

I am grateful that my country has decided to face where we are, and try to make things better.  That's what electing Obama means-- not more denial, more war, more money to the rich and more hopelessness for everyone else.  I am hopeful that this will reverberate in my life as an individual, and in the lives of the folks I love.

I also think this is a really important moment for me, and us, to face up to some of the things we haven't wanted to look at.  In particular, I think the passage of 8 in California is a really important moment that white queers need to face up to our racism, and the ways that racism is affecting queer rights in this country.

* It is deeply racist to blame communities of color, and in particular Black American folks, for the passage of 8.
* The campaigning against 8, and the rage that many white queers have been directing at people of color in general, and Black folks in particular, since its passage, shows disturbing racism in white queer communities.  It is time for us to look at that.

I would ask my friends who haven't already looked at it to please read Slit's Open letter to white activists here:  http://slit.livejournal.com/416627.html I think she makes some really important points; she also is writing in a very clear and open-hearted manner that I hope folks will be able to hear and listen to.

I also want to share something I've been thinking about a lot in the last week.  Several years ago, a prominent gay bar in the Castro in San Francisco was involved in a legal struggle over their racist discrimination against Black queer men.  At that time, I was involved in a lot of discussion of local queers of color about the racism that many Black queer men experience from white queers.  I would like to say that the people who are now discussing homophobia among Black straight communities were then equally concerned with racism among white queer communities.  They were not.

I do not like the idea that white queers expect straight folks of color to support gay rights, without being willing to oppose racism in white queer circles.  It's unfair.  It's hypocritical.  It's stupid strategy.  And it leaves my queer folks of color-- and in particular my Black queer friends-- in a really ugly situation.  Where do you go when the white queers are racist, and the straight folks who share your race are homophobic?

In a very real way, I moved to San Francisco to be around other queer Arab Americans.  I grew tired of the racism that I experienced from white folks living in Virginia and DC-- and yet was estranged from the straight Arab American communities around me.

It's easier for me out here in SF.  It's still sometimes hard though-- and I don't want to abandon my folks who don't have access to a queer community of the folks who share their race and ethnicity.  I'm a mixed-race, second-generation mutt like our new President (I love saying that!) and so I am connected by blood and proximity to both white folks and folks of color. And I'm telling my white queer people, with all love and compassion-- d00d.  Your privilege is showing.  Time to look at what you're asking, and what you need to be willing to give in return.

xoxo

Nabil

Hey guys,

Got back from VA last night, and my cat is doing very badly-- she has
such high-blood pressure that she is currently blind.

She's at the hospital overnight tonight, getting intravenous fluids
and blood pressure meds; I'll pick her up tomorrow morning, and I'm
going to negotiate like hell to work from home because I need to be
with her.

So, I am going to be flakier and have less spare energy to nurture my
peeps for a bit. Just wanted to give you a head's up. If you don't
hear from me, it ain't personal.

I suspect I'm also going to want to be home more; so if you have cat
allergies, I may not be able to spend much time with you. I suspect
hanging with me is going to also involve hanging with my cat.

If you feel like lighting a candle, or praying, or sending good
thoughts for my sweet Cicely, I'd vastly appreciate them.

xoxo

Nabil

Just read a couple stories about US helicopters killing civilians in Syria. http://english.aljazeera.net/news/middleeast/2008/10/200810281753336133.html

It doesn't sound like the village the attacked was my family's village.

Fuck. Are they trying to start a war with Syria before Bush is out of office? The neocons have been gunning for us for years.

N

hey everybody,

so, it's come to my attention that my stress levels are higher then i'd like them to be.  it's a bit of a scary time for me-- the election, the economy, some stuff about my job.  this is also the time of year that my dad died, and that i was beaten up and had my jaw broken-- i'm always a bit vulnerable this time of year.  anyway, i'm writing to ask for (a) advice on how to calm down and (b) hanging out time with my pals.

specifically, i'd really love--
* somebody to go with me to thursday night meditation in the mission-- i'm weirdly procrastinating on going, i think it would be easier to go with a friend;
* writing buddies;
* folks to keep me company/ help me make a day of the dead altar;
* folks to hang out and drink tea and talk;
* folks to hang out and do strenuous physical activity with (especially outside)-- climbing bernal hill, hitting a gym, playing wii boxing with me, etc etc.
* any suggestions on managing high anxiety, and calming down.

thanks!

xoxo

nabil 

Okay, I just had to post this tonight.

It is ageist-- but d00d, this guy sounds like my grandfather!

xoxo

Nabil( Video below cut. )

1.  The back fence in my childhood yard was covered with honeysuckle; by the time I was in college, it was crawling out over the grass and eating the lilac bush.  I spent at least one summer fighting with it, sweating in the Virginia heat while I ripped up vines from the earth, trying to get the roots, untwined vines from the lilac branches, did my damndest to save the struggling plant.  If I dropped the vines on the ground after I pulled them up, they would put down roots and start growing again.

2.  When I moved to the Bay area I desperately missed honeysuckle.  Jasmine is lovely, the backyard of the little house I rented in Berkeley had jasmine planted by the bedroom window, and I loved the heavy sweetness on summer nights.  But the scent lacked delicacy, and you couldn't suck nectar from the blossoms.  The scent, the flavor of summer was missing.  I missed honeysuckle, fireflies, and crickets.

So when I found a single vine on the gate by a school on the route I walked from Bart, I began making detours to that vine, to taste and smell the honeysuckle.  I brought several lovers to that honeysuckle vine, made them smell the flower, taught them how to open it and find the single drop of sweetness.

3.  Wandering in lush green in Hawaii with my exgirlfriend, on the way to visit a famous cave, I smelled something familiar, tantalizing, but somehow different too.  It smelled like honeysuckle, but I didn't see the blossoms anywhere.  Then I found the source:  honeysuckle on the wrong scale, giant blossoms, honeysuckle must have drifted to the island years ago and mutated in isolation.  The huge blossoms diluted the scent, the color; but the nectar was just as sweet.

hi darlins,

it was a frustrating couple a days, but in dumb-ass ways not huge awful life&death kinda shit.

it's almost over-- tomorrow at 3:15 i'm on a plane for egypt.

& tonight my honey showed me a video that kinda is my life.

enjoy.

xoxo

nabil