nabil

hi honeys,

i'm going to egypt & syria the 1st through the 21st, and won't have phone access or probably as much net. don't feel neglected & have fun!

xoxo

nabil

okay, so my cat is big enough that he cannot clean his butt. meaning i need to do this for him. which i just did.

i am a geek, with an unpleasant recurring task. what to do, what to do?
1. buy nerd toys.
2. process optimization.

so, 1 was easy enough. i purchased the "pet jet" at bed bath & beyond. i was not, however, able to figure out how to install it. that had to wait until a visit from the zanawake, who helped me figure out how to remove the spout from my bathroom sink, put on the spout that fits the pet jet, and attach the pet jet. voila! water all over the bathroom floor, and a little bit of flowing water from the pet jet onto my cat's butt. imperfect, for sure-- but beats scrubbing, face averted, with a wet washcloth while the cat howls in agony.

the zanawake was also kind enough to tell me what sort of tool i should buy to speed and streamline the spout-swapping process. so today i obtained a vice grip from ace hardware-- are you impressed yet? i'm so macho! also dog shampoo from walgreens, which is significantly less macho. the process of removing spout1, installing spout2, hooking up pet jet, was significantly less heinous. the process of bathing the cat, well, still not a whole lot of fun.

still! i used a manly man tool from ace hardware! i am terribly impressed with myself.

i'm pretty good with math, and i can duct tape together software to do whatever i need it to-- i'm no developer, but i know how to open up a file, figure out what's going on, and tweak it to do what i want. but as soon as you get me into the realm of hardware-- of 3d objects that you need to touch and manipulate with your hands without using a keyboard-- i lose all confidence and style. so i'm excited that i got the pet jet hooked up by myself! & disassembled afterwards! & i have a new tool! & i used it by myself! w00t!

still tho. i could do without bathing my cat every couple weeks.

anybody on my flist ever successfully put a cat on a diet?

xoxo

nabil

so, i've been thinking a bit over the last year or two about what tricks translate from my work life to home, or vice versa, and tonight i want to tell you a really good one.

first, i need to define a dependency: a dependency is when you have two tasks, and you can't do one until another one is complete. so, in software, there's a dependency between developing software, and testing it. you can't test it before you've developed it.

in both real life and project management, it's very tempting to create unnecessary dependencies. i was just on the phone with a friend who is going through a depressive episode. i suggested it's a good idea for her to be exercising and she said, "you're right. i have to join a gym."

wrong. she just made an unnecessary dependency. it is not necessary to join a gym in order to exercise. you can exercise by leaving your house, and walking for 15 minutes; or taking public transit to an airconditioned mall and walking for 15 minutes; or turning on the radio and dancing for 15 minutes. joining a gym might be a nice way to get exercise-- if you like gyms, and feel motivated to join one, then by all means go for it. but if you're in a depressive episode, or trying to figure out how to get a project moving that has been stalled out that's already behind schedule and two of your staff just quit, then for god's sake don't make any unnecessary dependencies.

what do you need to do right now?

(if resources are limited, you only need to do things that will cause significant harm to you or someone you love unless you do them right now.)

what do you need to do in order to do those things?

(don't make unnecessary dependencies. you don't need to join a gym to exercise.)

do those things.

xoxo

nabil

it has come to my attention-- not for the first time-- that some members of my nerd clan do not know how to please the boy or girl who they are dating. this makes me sad. so i offer off a bit of unsolicited advice on romance.

caveats: i'm talking about ways to please somebody that you are already dating. i'm bi, so pronouns will vary wildly. also, i'm experimenting with leaving this post unlocked. if it gets trolled, i won't do that again for awhile. as always, courteous disagreement is more then welcome. rudeness is not. if you don't know the difference, i am open to discussing it with you.

my working definition of romance is: anything that show your beloved that you thought of them while they were not present. the more you show that you were thinking of them, specifically, the more romantic. in other words: bringing home roses is romantic, because it shows your beloved that at some point of the day you thought about doing something to please them. bringing home roses if your beloved is allergic to roses and broke out in hives last week because you brought home roses, or has told you that he hates roses, is unromantic because it indicates that you were going on autopilot, not thinking about the specific details that make your beloved unique. bringing home sunflowers, because your beloved told you last night how much he misses the sunflowers his mother grew when he was a child, or bringing home sunflowers because the way they glow reminds you of the brilliance of your beloved's smile-- and telling him so-- is terribly romantic.

you are in love. probably you thought of your beloved today. what did you think? did you read a web comic that you thought your beloved would like, because it is about linux? send her the comic and tell her it reminded you of her. did you read a poem you that made you think of your beloved, and the way he cried when he listened to obama's speech on race? send it to him and tell him why it made you think of him.

does romance require lots of cash? no. if your beloved only likes expensive gifts, your beloved might not be the right person for you. often the generic gestures of romance-- diamonds, chocolate, roses-- are the priciest ones. a book review of a feminist science fiction novel that you thought your beloved would find exciting is more romantic then something expensive and generic.

does romance required excellent verbal skills? no. they can help, for sure-- being able to speak about the specific things that you love about your beloved is terribly romantic. but you're a smart kid. you keep those servers running while minimizing downtime-- you create elegant uis-- you hack devices with remarkable creativity. put some of your skills to work in thinking about how to please your beloved.

romance is not a test where there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the goal is to show your beloved that you love him and so when he is not around you think of him when people tell you stories about their cats, even though you find cats annoying-- to let her know that it is her specificity, her love of world of warcraft and hatred of extraneous apostrophes in fan fiction-- that you adore. there are many ways to show this adoration. the most romantic acts are the ones that you enjoy performing, and that make your beloved light up. you can do this. you can find things that will make your beloved smile. you think about your beloved when she's not around-- you are totally smart enough to show him that, not just tell him, but show it in your acts.

if you bring home roses and your beloved hates roses, that is awesome! now you know! think of it as debugging; you tried something and it didn't work, so try something else! pay attention to your beloved: what does she like to read? what pants does he like to see you wear? what kind of salsa does she like on her burrito? pay attention, and show her that you're paying attention. at some point you will do something that you enjoyed doing, and your beloved will laugh with delight. you're on the right track: pay attention to this moment. do more of that.

a final thought: the most romantic gestures create feedback loops of generosity and pleasure. you delight in pleasing your beloved; this pleasure inspires her to reciprocal gestures that delight you in turn; your pleasure inspires you to more graciousness, kindness, affection. the point is to please him, and be pleased in turn-- the point is to increase your mutual feelings of tenderness and desire.

xoxo

nabil

Hi luvs,

This journal will be mostly friends-locked for the moment; do let me know if you'd like an add.

Thx,

Nadyalec

Transmitted by owl.